FALLING THROUGH THE CRACKS

I don't qualify for government programs. I was removed from disability pay and down-sized to early retirement when I was 69 because Ohio didn't think I was worth supporting anymore. Simple as that. they noted that I taught so I could pay for food on the 375.00 they gave me and they balked. I didn't work for the right people to get social security. I save the money I earn so I have accumulated too much to qualify for medical or both sections of medicare. I cannot get the prescription program they provide. When I ask for legal aid, they tell me I am not poor enough or my issues are not life threatening. My income is less than half the amount considered poverty level but I have managed to accumulate too much in the bank to qualify for property tax assistance or any relief program for the poor, including food, clothing or transportation. I must pay full price.
And I am delighted.
There is no one to take care of me but me. That is what gets me out of bed in the morning. That is what keeps me writing, walking, painting, joking, surviving by the skin of what teeth I have remaining. You see me Inez because if I sit back and expect anyone or any agency to take care of me I will perish. Period.
No tears for me, my friends. You should envy me. I have the freedom to live as I please and the intelligence to know what I want and how I want to be. I deserve applause. I am capable of doing what needs to be done. I am 72 and I can earn what it costs to feed myself. I can find a way to do absolutely marvelous wonderful adventures that I would not have time for if I spent my time standing in line at welfare agencies.I do not take pills for depression because I do not have time to be depressed. I have a life to live. I do not have a moment to be sick. I only have thirty more years to get to Italy, teach English in Spain, go to Costa Rico, star on the fringe in Scotland, perform in London, publish the other 9 books, learn to sing, get a seven letter word in a Scrabble game..only thirty more years to be me.
That time will vanish in a blink of an eye.
I often ask myself, how did I manage to survive and live such a comfortable exciting life and I must tell all of you who do not believe how very poor I am IN MONEY, that the way I did it and continue to do it is to believe completely that somehow, I can provide for myself.
I have a sweet friend who said, "If I collapse, who will come save me?" She lives alone.
That thought has simply never occurred to me. I do not want to be saved because I know that if I collapse, no one will lose a mother, a wife, an aunt, only a friend and not a very close one at that. I will leave when it is my time and then....I will be no more and that is a good thing. We need to be wise enough to realize when we are finished. When I have done my job and lived my life it will be TIME to leave. I have done so much more than live a life; I have lived my dream.
And that is what its all about.
It isn't about how you can get the government to pay your way. It isn't about who is going to get your estate or how you can get money you don't earn by being destitute. It is about living your own unique life. . . the one you have the tools to live because you are you.