PERFECTION

I was just reading Rachel Remen's KITCHEN TABLE WISDOM and she writes how foolish it is to seek perfection because the idea of perfection means that one achievement is better than another. I have thought about this a lot when I fail at the comptetitions or awards or positions I seek. Does my failure mean that I don't have valuable abilities?
You well know Inez how the publishing industry has spurned my books, and now the comedian bookers are ignoring my successes and not asking me to perform at venues that pay. Is it that when you achieve what they want to achieve, they disdain you? Is it that when you feel you have been successful (in this case written a wonderful book, done twenty minutes of truly funny material) that someone else sees this same achievement as less than worthwhile?
I think that we need to be our own evaluators and treat our endeavors as steps we need and want to take to become the unique people we need to be. Perfection does not exist except in the mind of the person who defines it. BEING is what we are after in the fullest sense.
It is so hard not to measure your value in terms of the world's accolades...so very hard when praise and admiration does not happen after you feel you have done something so very special. But the very wanting of that recognition is a shallow, empty thing. Your goal should be to do what you need to do in the most beautiful way you can do it.
YOUR OWN SATISFACTION is where true happiness and fulfillment lies.
And yet, even though I believe this with all my heart, I cry bitter tears when I am not recognized for the creative things I do and feel jealousy and bitterness toward those have received those awards and fame.
I abhor pettiness and yet here I am being just that. Maybe you have the answer that will cure this deep-seated anger I feel when I am so certain I have followed the right rules and gotten a superb result only to find that it is nothing special at all. I only have a terrible sadness and feelings of inferiority that should not make a difference at all...and yet they do.