I GAVE UP

The establishment has won. I have spent ten horrid days agonizing over the injustice of the court system. I have begged and pleaded for legal help and have been refused help by four lawyers because there was not enough money involved. I have lost...but I have lost more than 1600 dollars. I have lost all my faith in the legal system and its capacity for justice. The steps I must take are not only complicated if I want to apply for a rehearing, the likelihood of getting one is very slim. Then I must face retrieving the money and, knowing Renee, that won't be easy either.
I do not want to erode my life any further with this kind of poison and I am trying to glean what I have gained from realizing that anyone anywhere can destroy me simply by shouting louder than I and creating false statements against me. So often, I have heard that Renee will have bad karma and I laugh at such naivete. Renee has a car she got for 1400 dollars worth over $5000 . She has the sense that whenever she wants something she can get it by shouting louder than her adversary.
I think once again I must pull into myself and say the only thing in my power is to make my tiny little world work for ME. I must try to make my days as happy as they can be and not try to defend myself from evil; only work very hard to run away from it. I have no defense against it.
I wonder too at what undefined hatred prompted the judge to rescind the first decision on the basis of two obviously fabricated pieces of opinion. There were no legal documents introduced into the case.
I believe and have always believed that people are intrinsically good and will only do evil when they feel threatened. What did I do to threaten Renee? What on earth did I do to threaten the judge?
Of course I want them both to have terrible karma, endure heart attacks, physical dismemberment and mental torment. I would love the car to blow up and destroy Renee and all her family and the earth to open up and send floods and havoc on Richard Romansky (the judge)
But none of that can take away my own sense that this world does not protect those who are kind and want to reach out to help their friends. Instead it punishes them for being foolish and shortsighted, not realizing that anyone anywhere can decide to hate them for no reason other than their discomfort at being faced with a goodness they cannot match.