The homeless and my attitude toward them

I have a negative, calloused attitude about the homeless people in our community. They make me angry and I have no respect for them. This rejection of human beings is so unlike me in every other way that I am amazed at myself. I look at bedraggled people standing on street corners taking money and doing nothing to earn it and I recall how I have struggled ever since my last husband left me 43 years ago. I never took anything from either of them because I believe it takes two to break a bargain just as it takes two to make one I have managed to take care of myself and never, ever ask for a handout.. . . but I have hinted...and I have accepted not money but other kinds of help like clothes or a ride or an invitation to dinner. I have lived below the poverty level ever since 1961 and through it all I managed to keep a roof over my head, lead a productive if not lucrative life and give myself a superb education at Stanford University. I enriched my mind with what I consider the necessities: the arts. I have done this by working for my benefits. I ushered for opera and theater for years and now I write reviews so I can see the drama and creative productions that to me record the real issues of our times. I baby sat when I had three college degrees and several semesters of advanced study from schools like Harvard and Stanford and I saved that money so I could eventually buy a house. I did not have the means to afford a movie, a new dress, anything but rent and food which I earned by answering the telephone for a dating service. Because of technicalities I did not have the funds to fight, I do not qualify or social security, I receive a minimal pension from Ohio, do not qualify for homeowner tax relief and taxpayer exemptions even though I live on less than $700 a month. I never ever use a credit card to pay for what I cannot afford. I still to this day work seven days a week well into the night to do the things I need to do to earn money and create a rich, happy life.
Why can't they?
What I forget Inez, is that I come to poverty from a different angle. I have a huge, extensive education that has taught me how to cope with a society that rejects me and often hates me because I am single, Jewish, old and poor. I fight where I can but I am intelligent enough to select my battles (not always.... sometimes the injustice is so blatant I cannot believe I have been victimized and I fight back even though deep down I know that for people like me who cannot afford legal help, have no support group and do not belong to a church, the answer is to move on....always move on. And I do.)
I forget that I have had a childhood rich with material comforts and opportunities to cushion me against life's blows and I have my ability to read and learn from what I read. I have my mind and so I am never, ever bored or at a loss for marvelous things to do, think, see and create.
I resent the homeless because deep down I would love to have someone... anyone ...help me pay my way and not have to do anything to earn it.
I too believe in the sanctity of the human condition and I am ashamed that I don't share what litttle I have with these unsavory, dirty, angry people who play on my sympathies and fail to touch my hardened heart.
I am clean. I eat well balanced meals. I do not ever, ever pay for entertainment and rarely allow myself a luxury. BUT I have a super wonderfully happy life that I made all by myself with no help from the family that ignored me, the society that refuses to protect me or the friends who are only there for me when I have an extra ticket to an event or can do them a favor.
I did it.
I know intellectually that these people I ignore and dislike do not have the tools I have and I am ashamed that I cannot find it in my heart to reach out to them.
But I cannot. I have nothing to spare because I use any capital, any food, any resource I create to keep me from begging like they do.
So there you have it Inez. I totally agree with your philosphy that we have dehumanized those people. But what about people like me? What about the people who give up some things to get the necessities to sustain them with out asking for a hand out. We take care of ourselves. So should they.