OTHER LIVES

Inez always says her son William is an old soul and my friend Joanna says that often we return to this earth to finish up all the things we have left undone. I cannot recall a time that I felt a child. I often felt helpless and confused, but I have always felt I understood the implication of the things that happened to me and saw the bigger picture in life's events.
I have been thinking now about the way things have begun to happen that I set the stage for so many, many years ago. I am first a writer and always have been. Through my life it seems I have strayed from that goal with my marriages, my teaching, my art, my comedy and my travels. Now I realize that all those experiences are what I need to draw upon to give my writing a richer dimensions.
I am now working on my one woman show which is a composite of my favorite stories from the two THOUGHTS books. I realize that the audience I will have are those who enjoyed my first books, laughed at my comedy, attended my classes in art, writing and nonsense, wondered at my paintings and were part of my struggles to survive in a world so hostile to single women.
The "mistakes" I thought I made; the roads I felt led no where; all are coming together now and I realize that they have become the fabric that is me.
I cannot say that I have come back as another person...but rather that if I did indeed have previous lives... I have returned to continue being what I need to be.
This is far harder than one would think. First, one must discover what that need is.
For me there has never been a doubt. I need to write. I need to have something worthwhile to write about. I need to be read.
So many things we do prevent us from moving toward our destiny... for me the worst setbacks were the two failed attempts at marriage which I wanted so desperately, and my eating disorder which swallowed up 20 years of my life. I now realize that I am the kind of person that must tread my path alone. It is my way. No one can share it.
Perhaps the answer to all this is that there are no answers. We are all moving toward something and often we cannot see where we are going. If Joanna is right we die before we get there and return to continue the journey.
Again, no answers.