STAYING ON YOUR PATH

I think each of us knows the direction our life should take but so many outside influences divert us that we often wake up one morning and say, "How did I land in THIS mess?"
To me, Inez, your first priority is to nurture the two lives you and Jon have created. They are your legacy; they are the gifts you are giving to the world and to yourselves. I suppose I am overly idealistic about children because I never had any and I wanted them even more than I wanted what you do to get them. I can think of no other mission more important than to give your children the weapons they need to become all they can become.
I teach piano to Lisa's Chloe and last Tuesday she showed me a book her teacher asked her to write about herself. The essay was entitled ME, and she wrote, "I am wonderful, amazing and very, very special...." I looked at Lisa and I said, "You have succeeded."
Your two youngsters must not just HEAR that they are magnificent gifts to you and Jon, they must see and feel their value if they are to venture out into an impersonal often rocky world and make the mark they need to make.
As you know, I never had that sense of personal value and it has taken me years and years to establish the self love we all need to move forward with confidence knowing that our direction is the right one.
Let me also point out that no one knows what another needs. You as a parent can only give your children tools to explore their potential. You cannot and must not tell them what it is they must do or should want. When they are not given proper resources, they will take twice as long to accomplish half as much. And to waste time in our lives is an unforgivable crime .....because time is all we have.
I firmly believe that my first book would have been published when I was 30, not when I was 68 if I had not had to first overcome all the negativity smothering me in my world.
We must always take responsibility for who we are and once we do that that we can take pride in what we become. But children are ahead of the game of life if they are given a solid foundation of love and encouragement. Those of us who first had to force our way up through the sands of insecurity, had a longer road to follow before we could get to level ground. In many ways, I believe that battle made me strong, but in others far too vulnerable and sensitive to the judgement of others.
Don't let any task interfere with giving your chilrern that stolid stepping stone to their own definition of happiness. In doing so you will find your own mission in life and that includes your writing, your marriage and your teaching will blossom even more fully because you have nurtured the very reasons that you do need to move forward in your life. Those children define who you are. They cannot keep you from accomplishing your goals because they are the stimuli for you want to become.
I often wonder why I push myself to become more of what I am and I know it is only for me. If I can offer what I have learned about the endless possibilities in us all, then perhaps I have given a small gift to humanity. You, on the other hand can multiply that gift by more than three. What a marvelous oportunity! So stop whatever else you are doing and be a mother to your youngsters. You cannot do a better thing for them or for yourself.

we all weep

Dear Lynn Ruth, I have been silent for quite awhile because my life's been overly busy and it has been affecting those around me I love most. I have decided to take some steps back and not be superwoman anymore but only really do those things well I really care for, i.e. my husband, children, my work and my writing. I don't want to lose what you have lost Lynn Ruth and sometimes when we are busy, we justify things by rationalizing that it is okay but it is never okay when it means ignoring those you love the most. Without going into details of what I am going to let go, I am going to try and say NO more often if it cuts into my time with the children or the book I am trying to finish.

My father's death has made me realize that we only have so much time and that we should take care to use it well. My kids are growing up fast and I pine for the moments I have already missed. When I started out writing more, I wrote about my kids-- rereading some of that stuff has made me realize I was much more connected with them than I am now and I too Lynn Ruth weep for having lost that special connection with them. I am going to try and write my way back to them and I will finish this blog now as I need to read to the kids.

Thank you for being so candid Lynn Ruth: it does have great effect,
Love,
Inez

Why I weep

My heart breaks when I realize how little I have learned about human communication and true understanding. I have been trying lately to HEAR the people I deal with and love them for what they actually are, not what I think they should be. The challenge here is that so many of my connections are cross generational. The conduct I believe is to be expected is well mannered...yes that is the word...well mannered because I believe we should treat one another with good manners and remember that every human is as fragile as a wisp of smoke that one word can destroy. When I married the first time, a doctor said to me, "Always be polite to your husband." and I thought he was over the top. Be kind, be loving, be sweet, be sexy....but polite? Once we were married was that not an unnecessary affectation?
Well, I was wrong. I needed to be far more than polite. I needed to see and believe in what was hurting him instead of building up armor to protect me from what he did to hurt ME.
That was so many years ago that I believed that I am mature enoug now to listen...to have a conversation that gives and shares...to sense when I had hit a sore spot and to see when I was dealing with a fragile, injured human being and love that person all the more because life had wounded him
And I failed.
I failed because I was too wrapped up in my own excitement at discovering a kindred spirit, a like mind and a delightful friend. And so I forged ahead believing that he would love and accept who I was because I adored who he was trying to be.
And now I weep because words are indeed like feathers. Once they are said you cannot take them back
I weep because I lost a love I never had
I weep because no apology (and I apologized several times) no reparation can ever convince this lovely human being that HE was not a fault.
Because when you injure someone who has just been wounded, he begins to believe that his own flaws encourage the hurt. He begins to be wary. He begins to hurt others before they can hurt him.
I did not see that, because I didn't hear what was not said.
And so I weep