Why I weep

My heart breaks when I realize how little I have learned about human communication and true understanding. I have been trying lately to HEAR the people I deal with and love them for what they actually are, not what I think they should be. The challenge here is that so many of my connections are cross generational. The conduct I believe is to be expected is well mannered...yes that is the word...well mannered because I believe we should treat one another with good manners and remember that every human is as fragile as a wisp of smoke that one word can destroy. When I married the first time, a doctor said to me, "Always be polite to your husband." and I thought he was over the top. Be kind, be loving, be sweet, be sexy....but polite? Once we were married was that not an unnecessary affectation?
Well, I was wrong. I needed to be far more than polite. I needed to see and believe in what was hurting him instead of building up armor to protect me from what he did to hurt ME.
That was so many years ago that I believed that I am mature enoug now to listen...to have a conversation that gives and shares...to sense when I had hit a sore spot and to see when I was dealing with a fragile, injured human being and love that person all the more because life had wounded him
And I failed.
I failed because I was too wrapped up in my own excitement at discovering a kindred spirit, a like mind and a delightful friend. And so I forged ahead believing that he would love and accept who I was because I adored who he was trying to be.
And now I weep because words are indeed like feathers. Once they are said you cannot take them back
I weep because I lost a love I never had
I weep because no apology (and I apologized several times) no reparation can ever convince this lovely human being that HE was not a fault.
Because when you injure someone who has just been wounded, he begins to believe that his own flaws encourage the hurt. He begins to be wary. He begins to hurt others before they can hurt him.
I did not see that, because I didn't hear what was not said.
And so I weep