SELF IMAGES

We all have a picture of ourselves that makes us comfortable and that picture in our heads is not always correct. Whenever someone says or does something that makes us doubt our veracity we fight to redraw ourselves in their eyes the way into the image we want them to perceive. I have been thinking about why Rene was so determined to fight for that car when she has plenty of money to pay for it. It occurs to me that she sees herself as a kind, generous and charitable person and losing that case with me put her in a bad light IN HER EYES. She couldnt handle it. Perhaps that is what unleashed all the terrible manipulation and lying that made me her victim and her the victor.
The tragedy for me and the disillusionment is that it worked. Evil does triumph and it prospers. No one can convince me that Rene will have one bad moment from cheating me the way she did. She will drive the car and enjoy it satisfied that she got away with paying &1400 dollars for a $5400 car.
There is a movie out about Edward R. Murrow called Good Night and Good Luck that talks about the importance of fighting for our principles. We all have very deeply ingrained standards of right and wrong and we all believe that WE live up to those standards no matter what happens to us.
I think in Rene's case when it was proven (in the initial case that I won) that she was not the sweet generous fair human being she thought she was, she felt her entire persona was at stake and so she did a successful over-kill, stamping out the evidence that she cheats, lies and will stoop to anything to preserve her own picture of who she thinks she is.
Are we all that short sighted?
Perhaps, she isn't shortsighted at all. Perhaps she is just being human.

And that brings us to the judge that overturned a verdict based on hearsay evidence and his own gutfeeling that I was lying. What was HIS problem? Did he hate the elderly. Did I remind him of his Mother?
Did he have a thing for tall fat blonds?
I have no idea what made him abandon the clear rules of law that way.
I can only hope when the case is reviewed someone else sees what he did and reverses the judgement
That would reinstate my belief in the utlimate justice of the system....but I wonder if that would be enough.
I see so much injustice that is overlooked and rationalized in our country and it sickens me. Crying out seems to do nothing to stop it. I look at all those black people in New Orleans left behind while the affluent got away from Katrina and say, "God, where ARE you?
Why do so many people believe you are there when you only help the rich, the powerful and the cruel?"
Again, no answers.
I know that I sincerely believe I have never intentionally hurt someone else but I suspect I have very often destroyed another persons self image. The Jews have just observed a day when they search their hearts to uncover any sins they have done to others and make reparations. Perhaps we should all take a day to take stock of our good intentions and try to repair the detours we took. To me, if we didn't KNOW we were hurting another we can be forgiven but maybe that is too generous.
So it comes down to this: If I were God would I get rid of the crooks, the cheaters, the murderers, and perhaps the majority of the people because they say, "Oh what can it hurt? It's just a little thing.... or I needed that money, that thing, that feeling of success...."
It would make it a very empty world wouldn't it?