having the guts to live

After puberty I became much more introverted and was most comfortable inside my shell. Any way to stand out or be different, I shunned. I am still painfully self-conscious sometimes and wish I could live like I could not give a damn, but I do...

My daughter on the other hand shows me that it can be done. As a toddler she preferred to strip completely in public places and then celebrate (!) while we were chasing her, trying to get at least her diaper back on. At 7 she does not do that any more but she is an exhibitionist of sorts because this summer she has been selling her drawings at the side of the road. Yesterday she sold lemonade and tomorrow it will be blackberries. Every day she goes out there, I'm thinking yeah right and every day she comes back with $4, $5. She also wants to play her violin at the local BART station but since the Orinda BART station is one of the most crime-ridden stations around with actual bike and car thefts, I have said NO: I am not ready for daughter-theft yet. Talk to me again when she's 14.

Anyhow, my mother always shared her fears (real and unreal) with me and watching Caroline I realize I am much too fearful and that that is no way to live. Lynn Ruth, I find you fearless in a great many things and I wish I could emulate that. I am learning though as I am cherishing the entrepreneurial and exhibitionistic spirit of my daughter in the meantime. This is a worthless blog but I have the blahs today. Just did not want the blahs to win.