mistakes

We all make mistakes. It makes us human and it makes us real. The worst thing is not owning up to a mistake, as this President does. During one of the debates with Kerry Bush was asked if he knew of any mistakes he had made. His face went blank and he could not come up with any. There's a lack of introspection with this White House and a lack of introspection means not learning from mistakes...so be proud Lynn Ruth, that you can and don't beat yourself over the head with it.

Mistakes

When I look back at the judgments I have made, I cannot believe how stupid so many of them have been and I know that indeed hindsight is very, very wise. However I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as a mistake. Instead, I think we make the best decision we can under the circumstances using all the information we have processed thus far. It is consoling but also sad to think this way because often our pre-conceived notions force us into an action we feel we SHOULD do or think or be. If we could but dismiss those illogical pre-set patterns given to us by people who are not living our lives, we might keep ourselves closer to our chosen path.
I also feel that many errors in judgment that I make are because I trust people. I cannot believe that anyone deliberately wants to do evil. I think that only when someone is threatened do they hurt another deliberately and in my life, I have seen that this is not true. Often the joy of second guessing someone or beating them out of what they deserve is a challenge that people do not consider immoral at all. Think of themselves as clever... a winner in life.
If that is so, I am a loser. I do the best I can with what I know. I trust the world because I love it. I give of myself because I want to. It makes me human and that after all is why I am here.
Or isn't it?

I'm back-- letter from Holland, to my kids

Hereby I enclose the letter I sent to my kids,

Dear William and Caroline,

I traveled to and through Holland all by myself and missed you two (and daddy) every step of the way.

I missed William’s sweet hugs, his “how ya doin’mom?” and even, yes, the little onions that are growing out of his armpits. You know, the French think that scent sexy but Americans thinks it’s gross. The Dutch are somewhere in the middle.

I also missed Caroline’s drawings, her sneaky crawling into OUR bed at night and her crazy sleepwalking: out of the bed, into the bathroom, out the window, over the hill, into the pool, out of the pool, through the woods, down spook hill, back to Rose Lane...and into bed. I even missed her farting on command.

However, I was not worried for a single moment because you both were in SUCH GOOD HANDS with Mrs Englund, Mrs Tuemmler, grandma, grandpa.....and daddy who can play MOMMY, even though “he is not female” as William reminded me on the phone. (Thank you Karen, Denise, Bud and Dot).

Holland was chilly but green and beautiful, Amsterdam wicked good (“vet cool” Dutch teenagers say) and The Hague full of memories because this is the place where mommy and daddy met. My work visits in Amsterdam, The Hague and Hilversum went great: did you know that the Dutch government pays to have the program at Berkeley?

I saw all your cousins except for Daan and Matthijs: that is, Tim, Laurine, Julia, Marijke and Olivier and they all wanted to hear about you guys. BTW, here’s a problem solver: can you match their names up with the right aunt and uncle?

One of the highlights was the radio show in Hilversum: 2 hours of a roundtable conversation with very interesting guests, one of whom was the Dutch Ellen van Langen who won the gold medal on the 800 meters at the Barcelona Olympics. There was also a very funny woman who looked like my friend Tricia (Wiley’s mom). This woman has started an animal farm outside of Amsterdam: she saves pigs from becoming pork chops. Yes, like retirement home for pigs, cool huh?!...and she massages them to make them feel good. Did you know that pigs are almost as smart as dolphins? Anyhoo, this woman teaches management training classes at her farm (she teaches managers how to be better communicators—now ask your daddy what a manager does all day, besides surfing the internet).

This woman told a very funny story about a company that came to her farm one day. The boss, a woman who was very bossy and disliked by most everyone, thought she could manipulate (boss around) pigs like she could people and guess what? She stepped inside the pigs’ pen and the boss pig named Aagje gave her an awesome push so that she was tossed into the haystack, her high heels sticking up in the air. But she had not learned her lesson—she brushed herself off and approached Aagje again, this time, to touch her in the face (which even to pigs, is a most intimate thing to do)—so Aagje made another Miss Piggy move, let out a big grunt and AWOOMPH this sent Miss Executive running on her high heels. Her colleagues were watching in awe. (After that experience things were never the same at the office).

Meanwhile, the lady of the catering had come out to take a peek at the commotion: “What’s going on?!” she asked.

“Oh, it’s the pigs...” someone replied.

“Pigs?!” the catering lady said, “I love pigs!”

So the catering lady stepped inside the pen and guess what? Aagje dropped to her knees and rolled over to be massaged. So you see, there is wisdom in pigs. Never take nature or animals for granted. We are just one of the many animals and we need to know our place!



Can’t wait to see you!!!



Mommy

Waiting for my Bashert

I saw a cartoon once that showed three skeletons It was captioned, "Three women waiting for the perfect man. Indeed there is no one perfect match for any of us, but I do believe that some people are meant to come together be it for marriage, for a meeting, for friendship or for a beautiful moment. I have a friend who says nothing is by chance. I am not sure of that but I do know that inadvertently we set the stage for people to come into our lives. When we meet someone who bonds with us quickly and deeply, Jewish people say that the meeting was bashert...meant to be.
Many people believe that the person they will marry is bashert and they, like the women in the cartoon, must wait until he/she happens along.
I think that we create our basherts. In other words when we are ready to engage in the give and take of any kind of a relationship be it marriage, friendship, companionship or a business dealing, we allow it to happen by letting down our defenses.
I am always waiting for a bashert and that bashert is there to love me, laugh with me and dance with me whenever I let unlock the gates.
It is interesting to me that the people I associate with and love today are so very different from those I sought when I was younger. Perhaps that they are no longer in my life is also bashert.
Perhaps I have widened my horizons to let more wonderful human beings share in the bounty I call my life. And that is a very good thing. It is beautifully bashert.

FRIENDSHIP

I have often thought about what friendship really is and I think it is human connection. We often think that a friend is forever but I don't think that is true Life is growth and as we move on to different phases of our lives, our interests modify and adapt to thoses new goals. That is when old friendships lapse and new ones form. Someone commented on how very many friends I have and I said,"Not at all. I have many acquaintances, some very dear to my heart, but I have almost no one who will sacrifice or inconvenence themselves for me. " I am a person they ENJOY and to my mind a friend shares and gives as well as receives...but not forever. We define friends as people who are always available for you but I am beginning to believe that the friend who is on your team today may not be there tomorrow because your needs no longer mesh. I do not think this is a bad thing. It only means that we are not stagnating. We are moving on in our lives, not forgetting those we care for but adding to our ever growing pool of human wealth.

PHYSICAL LOVE

I have often believed that I have missed the most fundamental human experience because I do not indulge in recreational sex and have not had any kind of a relationship for almost fifty years. The question is, have I missed loving?
Now that I am older although not particularly wiser I realize that the answer is no. I do loving things and reach out in loving ways a great deal and for me it is a very physical thing. I get a rush when I am with someone I care for, be it a friend, an attractive man, and even my dogs whom I adore. When I see a child I have to force myself not to hug him and hold him close. What I have missed is the experience of carnal love and while I do not recommend this kind of abstinence to anyone, I do know that despite the current view that sexual encounters and money are all that matter in life, my own creativity has been enhanced by this very absence and furthermore my ability to love in the emotional sense is heightened.
I care very deeply for the people who are part of my life. I have noticed that the list of loved ones is not a constant and that saddens me. I think for people who live as I do, love is both intellectual, physical and emotional but not possessive. Perhaps that is why it can ebb and flow from one person to another. I never stop loving someone but when they are not present I am not aware of that love nor do I feel more than mild loss.
I am not sure I am making sense here but I do know that ALL love is physical even if it is not sexual. And I know, too that without great amounts of love in our lives, we tread a lonely, barren and unrewarding path.

Perfection is for Martha Stewart

Success is countest sweetest
By those who ne'er succeed...

Emily Dickinson wrote. She never knew the mind-blowing success of her own poetry as only two or three of her poems were published in her lifetime. Only time will tell, Lynn Ruth, and the fact that your books and audience are out there means you have a chance of imprinting your soul on immortality. You have your readers and your audiences laugh at your jokes. You are being recognized and in that you are successful.
The arts are the worst industry for the faint of heart. I think it is grueling at times, like you, but I must submit and send out more work and be "judged" and "rejected", however painful and personal that process is. We must because writing is a biological need for us that we must satisfy otherwise we become grumpy, grouchy and impossible to live with.
Once success comes, as it did with my book Awakening from the American Dream in Holland, it seems a side product, a hollow and perfunctory thing that is not what it is cracked up to be. The real success is the private reader who has the courage to write you an e-mail or a letter and tell you what the book meant in her or his life. Those moments make my day-- even a glowing review can not equal that. And that is your success, too, Lynn Ruth, you connect with people through your art and stand-up comedy. That is what we are here for, and the rest... well, a royalty check can only buy you more groceries (that is, MY royalty checks at this point...) So hang in there. Perfection is for Martha Stewart and success can have many different dimensions...

PERFECTION

I was just reading Rachel Remen's KITCHEN TABLE WISDOM and she writes how foolish it is to seek perfection because the idea of perfection means that one achievement is better than another. I have thought about this a lot when I fail at the comptetitions or awards or positions I seek. Does my failure mean that I don't have valuable abilities?
You well know Inez how the publishing industry has spurned my books, and now the comedian bookers are ignoring my successes and not asking me to perform at venues that pay. Is it that when you achieve what they want to achieve, they disdain you? Is it that when you feel you have been successful (in this case written a wonderful book, done twenty minutes of truly funny material) that someone else sees this same achievement as less than worthwhile?
I think that we need to be our own evaluators and treat our endeavors as steps we need and want to take to become the unique people we need to be. Perfection does not exist except in the mind of the person who defines it. BEING is what we are after in the fullest sense.
It is so hard not to measure your value in terms of the world's accolades...so very hard when praise and admiration does not happen after you feel you have done something so very special. But the very wanting of that recognition is a shallow, empty thing. Your goal should be to do what you need to do in the most beautiful way you can do it.
YOUR OWN SATISFACTION is where true happiness and fulfillment lies.
And yet, even though I believe this with all my heart, I cry bitter tears when I am not recognized for the creative things I do and feel jealousy and bitterness toward those have received those awards and fame.
I abhor pettiness and yet here I am being just that. Maybe you have the answer that will cure this deep-seated anger I feel when I am so certain I have followed the right rules and gotten a superb result only to find that it is nothing special at all. I only have a terrible sadness and feelings of inferiority that should not make a difference at all...and yet they do.

leavin' for a week and love continued

I'll be gone for a week-- off to Holland to be interviewed on a popular radio show. It's the first time I make this long trip without my kids and while it is more relaxing to do the 12-15 hour journey by myself, I know it will be plenty lonely, too. Funny thing...once you have kids of your own, you can't imagine your life without them anymore and when it is forced upon you, like with this trip, it feels awkward, scary and incomplete.
My husband and I went through some major long-distance dating and every time we were apart, we felt like only half a person...maybe that's what love is, namely only ever perfect when it feels imperfect when apart, which is how I will feel when I walk along the Amsterdam canals, the The Hague Voorhout and smell the sea I grew up with. It seems exciting now, that is, revisiting the country of my birth, but sometimes anticipation beats experience...as the thought of being without my family will never be as good as anticipated. Where are you Lynn Ruth?